


Look Past the Flashing Lights

by vyrantium



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II
Genre: M/M, Modern AU, Modern Thedas, Slow Build, band au, mentions of minor character death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-07
Updated: 2016-01-24
Packaged: 2018-05-05 10:40:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5372336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vyrantium/pseuds/vyrantium
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anders and Hawke are both musicians. They're totally not into each other, they just... care about each other's music. A <i>lot.</i> (At least that's what they tell themselves.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is currently a work in progress, so tags are going to be added as I go! I'll be sure to make a note when any are added. Also, all minor character deaths are ones that happen in game.

Hawke hated bars. Well, he didn’t hate bars in their entirety, but he did hate this particular bar on this particular night. There was nothing wrong with a good night out with friends. But this bar was full of people who thought it was necessary to scream every word, who would pick fights with anyone, or could barely stand they were so drunk. He’d been spilled on several times that night, leaving him smelling of the awful drinks that The Hanged Man tried to pass as alcohol. 

He wished Aveline would hurry up. The sooner she showed up, the sooner he could leave and take something for the headache he’d had all day. Part of him felt like he should feel guilty for wanting to get this over with. They were meeting up to talk about some of her personal troubles, after all. But between the headache and opening at work that morning, he was miserable. Top that with the breakthrough he’d had with one of the songs he was writing, he was more than eager to get home.

Sighing, Hawke sipped at his beer, trying desperately to not make eye contact with anyone around him. The last thing he needed was to look at someone the wrong way and cause a fight. Aveline was supposed to be here a half hour ago and he still hadn’t heard a word from her. Probably caught up at work again. “Crime doesn’t rest,” she’d tell him. Sure, crime didn’t, but _he_ needed to. He couldn’t stay up all night, especially at a place like this. People crowded around the space he was sitting at and Hawke grumbled as he gathered his things to move around the bar. Movement on the stage across the room caught his eye before he could take a new seat. He didn’t remember seeing any promotional posters for a band hanging around, but that didn’t mean anything, not here.

Hawke pushed through the crowd to get closer to the stage, studying the five people as they set up. They were definitely some sort of indie rock or alternative band. He grinned, pushing through the mass of sweaty bodies. This was something he could enjoy, if he could get through the hoards of people. Hawke made it halfway through the room before he gave up; people were packed too tightly to make it any further. Hawke leaned against the wall, trying to stay out of the way. He would at least be able to hear from here. Usually he liked to be closer, to watch the group dynamic, but the stage looked like it barely fit all their instruments, so he doubted that there would be much to see tonight.

The music that had been blaring over the speakers faded out as the band on stage finished setting up, much to Hawke’s pleasure. He hadn’t realized how loud it was until it was gone. Just as the band finished up sound check, his phone buzzed with a text from Aveline. _Stuck at work. Reschedule? Invite Beth._ Hawke frowned momentarily, typing out a quick reply in acknowledgement. They could work out a place and time later, when she wasn’t busy. He needed to check with Bethany’s schedule as well. Looking up, he realized there was no way he’d be able to leave now; the small bar was packed and he had no interest in pushing back through the mass of people. Not that he minded all that much now, not with what appeared to be a promising band about to play.

On stage, the band started without any introduction. The lead guitarist was focused entirely on the music, ignoring the man with strawberry blond hair as he spoke to the other band members. The mic didn’t pick up his words, but based on the grins of the keyboardist and the drummer, it had been some sort of joke. The guitarist repeated the opening measures, clearly annoyed, as the rest of the band regained their composure. He gave a look to the man in front of the mic, and at the beginning of the next repetition, he opened his mouth. 

His voice filled the room. Hawke grinned, unable to take his eyes off the man. He had _talent._ Not the kind of talent that would get him popular among local musicians but the kind that could get him touring nationally, maybe even internationally. Silently, Hawke thanked Aveline for picking this rundown bar of all places. He was always looking for new music, and these guys were good. He found himself absorbed in the music, hanging onto every word. Despite the small stage, every member still had a presence. The lead vocalist moved around his small portion of the stage, and was singing _to_ the audience, not just at them. He had the rhythm guitar parts, but was still able to put so much emotion into it. The other guitarist and the bass player fell into the background, quietly reminding the audience of their existence every now and then with backup vocals. The dark skinned drummer was clearly enjoying herself, movements wide and putting on quite the show. And then finally there was the woman on keys, concentrated solely on the music with a grin on her face. She avoided looking at the audience. Every time she acknowledged them her eyes grew large.

Hawke felt welcomed by them. They seemed like a group of friends, not the type of band that saw themselves above the audience. Watching them perform was an experience, and Hawke was slightly surprised to find this kind of talent in a run down bar in Kirkwall, of all places. How had they not made it big yet? Surely they were on their way, if they hadn’t. Hawke dropped his beer in a nearby trashcan as the song ended, then clapped loudly in support as the main vocalist pulled up his hair into a small ponytail and grinned out at the audience.

“How’s everyone doing tonight?” he asked, grinning wider as the audience cheered. “I’m Anders. This is Merrill on keys, Fenris on bass, Justice on guitar, and last and _definitely_ least, Isabela on drums!”

The woman acted offended before hitting off the first notes of the next song. The man – Anders – chuckled as he quickly tuned his guitar. The second song was just as upbeat as the first, and Hawke wanted to push closer to the stage. He made a bit of ground as the early birds started to empty out, but couldn’t make it far. There were a decent number of people still in the bar. He watched the members of the band on stage intently, bobbing his head along with the music. The song ended quickly, and even more people moved back to the bar, allowing Hawke to shuffle forwards a bit further. He was nearly in front of the stage now. This would have to do.

“We’re Wicked Grace, since Anders failed to mention it,” Fenris said as the band prepared for their next song. It was met with an icy glare from Anders, and Hawke idly wondered about the arguments the two had. Fenris just smirked at Anders, taking a swig from his water bottle as he turned away.

The next few songs melded into each other, without much banter between the band mates. Slowly, people began to trickle out as closing time neared. The bartender had just announced last call, allowing Hawke to move closer to the stage, but was way off to stage right. Better than nothing, and it allowed him to get a better look at the members. Anders had a single earring dangling from his right ear. Merrill and Fenris both had intricate tattoos that Hawke would love to see up close. Isabela was covered in piercings. Justice was the only odd one out, with no piercings or tattoos in sight. Hawke would love to hear the story of how he came to be involved with the band.

Hawke couldn’t take his eyes off of Anders. He watched as his fingers flew over the fret board, the way he used the mic as another part of him, the way he got so _into_ the music. And how the t-shirt he was wearing stretched across his chest, the way his jaw moved as he sang. Hawke blinked, tearing his eyes from Anders, trying to focus on the music again. Much to his despair, the song ended, and Anders started speaking. He _had_ to look at him now. He’d stick out if he didn’t, being this close to the stage. Maker.

“We’ve got one more for you tonight!” Anders called out, catching Hawke’s gaze for a moment. “We’d like to thank all of you for coming out tonight. Or for staying, if you had no idea we were going to be here. Happens often.” He laughed, before turning away to motion to Merrill and Isabela to start the next song.

Anders danced around his small portion of the stage, trying to get a grin out Fenris next to him. Hawke blinked in surprise when Justice opened his mouth to sing instead of Anders. Not that he wasn’t enjoying the show Anders was putting on, but Justice’s voice didn’t match the band, and the song, quite like Anders’ voice. It wasn’t bad, just not what the band needed.

The song ended, and the band yelled their thanks one last time before turning to pack up. The crowd that had gathered around the stage slowly trickled away. Hawke hovered near the stage, looking between the band on stage and the people who had regrouped by the bar. He wanted to talk to the band, see if they had an EP out, when they were playing next…. But they were all wrapped up in getting the equipment off stage. The bar would be closing soon and they needed to get out of there. 

“Can I help you with anything?” a short man asked, walking up to Hawke. “Name’s Varric, I do PR for the misfits on stage, since they were clearly hopeless on their own.”

“Shove it, Varric, we were fine on our own,” Isabela laughed, picking up the snare drum.

“Flashing your tits to get people to show up hardly counts,” Anders noted. He shouldered his guitar case before moving to pick up the drum stool.

“At least it was effective, there were people behind me who couldn’t keep their eyes off her,” Hawke said dryly. Merrill let out a huff, trying to ignore the conversation as she wound up the various wires to her keyboard.

“Don’t be that way, Kitten,” Isabela murmured, moving to help her.

“You need me. You aren’t interesting without me,” Varric pointed out, a grin on his face. He turned back to Hawke. “They’ve got a show next week. You should come. It’s at a place better than this dump. You won’t be boxed in, and there will actually be decent alcohol. And merch, if you’re into that.” He gave him a mini flyer with a grin, moving towards the other stragglers.

“If you actually did your job, we’d have a sold out show, and he _would_ be boxed in,” Justice grumbled as Hawke walked away. He grinned. He did have a point, though Varric seemed to do a decent job for tonight, even if people started to leave nearly right after they started.

Slowly, the bar emptied out and Hawke decided it was time to leave. He should have left long ago, when Aveline wasn’t on time, but thank the Maker he hadn’t. After a long cab ride, he was home. He stripped as he made his way to the bed, not bothering with pajamas. He lived alone, and he hadn’t slept in nearly twenty hours. Designated sleep clothes seemed ridiculous, at this point.

Despite how tired he was, Hawke’s mind wandered to the show next week. At this point, there was no reason to text either Bethany or Aveline, since both of them would be unavailable at the moment. If anything, he’d get angry texts back, reminding him of common texting courtesy. Hawke rolled onto his back, staring up at the ceiling, going through his work schedule. _He_ was free, at least. Tomorrow, he would talk to Bethany and Aveline. Though there was a nagging thought in the back of his head, telling him that it didn’t really matter if they would be free, he’d be going no matter what.


	2. Chapter 2

Bethany and Aveline were both available the night of the next Wicked Grace concert, surprisingly. Aveline had been swamped at work, and Hawke was convinced that she’d have to pull out at the last moment again. Last week hadn’t been the first time that she’d cancelled, and it wouldn’t be the last. It was part of her job. Not that Hawke really minded about last week, it’d led him to finding an amazing band. 

He had been able to find Wicked Grace’s music online. It clearly wasn’t all of their music, he remembered songs from last week’s show that hadn’t been posted, but it was enough. He knew how expensive recording was, which is why he hadn’t had the chance to get any of his music professionally recorded yet.

As he entered the venue, Hawke once again found himself questioning the hopelessness of the Kirkwall music scene. How could a band as good as Wicked Grace go undiscovered for so long? Had everyone given up on Kirkwall, given its reputation of awful musicians and divas? If so, they were all screwed – and he needed to move, soon. Hawke was amazed with himself for agreeing to move to a city with such an awful reputation when it came to music. Not like he’d had much choice, Kirkwall was the only place close that they could afford, after everything that had happened. Hawke had _just_ started making enough to afford his own place, a year after the initial move. Not that it was wrong to live with your mother and sister, but it waswrong for _him_. He needed his own place, away from his uncle.

Hawke scanned the venue for Bethany and Aveline, finding them near the bar. “No drinking if you’re driving, young lady,” Hawke chuckled as he came up to his sister.

“Aveline picked me up. I know how to be a responsible adult, unlike you,” Bethany chuckled, giving a half hug. Things had been tense between them ever since he told her he was moving out. She was still fragile from Carver’s death. She’d blamed herself for a while; she had been the one driving when it happened. It could have been any of them, and he’d told her that, but it hadn’t helped. When he moved, she didn’t take it lightly. Bethany still wanted her big brother there. She didn’t understand that he needed his own space. Hawke had moved a few months ago and things were just now getting back to normal between them.

“I took a cab here,” Hawke countered, flagging down the bartender. “We didn’t come here to bicker, though. We came here for your designated driver.”

“I thought we were here because you’ve got your eye on someone in the band,” Bethany teased, getting a laugh from Aveline. “Oh, don’t look so surprised. I did my research on this band. And I know you, I know your type.”

“They’ve got good music!” Hawke protested, glaring at her. Not that he hadn’t noticed. He’d _definitely_ noticed. But that wasn’t why he was here.

“You sound like I did before Wesley and I got together,” Aveline told him, smirking.

Hawke huffed, ignoring them. He was here for the music, nothing else. If they wanted to tease him, fine. Let them. Next time he’d see the band alone.

Bethany and Aveline both laughed at him, which brought a smile to Hawke’s face. He hadn’t seen Bethany laugh like that in over a year. He was happy to help her, even if it meant being at the butt of everything.

“Alright, you two, we didn’t get together for you to pick on me.” 

“Hawke, picking on you is better than having to talk about my personal problems. Stop trying to get out of it,” Aveline smiled.

Over the next hour, Bethany and Aveline continued to pick on Hawke. Even when the opening band came onstage, they teased him between songs.

“Next time I’m leaving you two behind,” Hawke grumbled as the first band moved their equipment off stage. Wicked Grace was up next. “That way I’d actually have a good night.”

“So you can ogle your boyfriend in peace? I don’t think so,” Bethany told him, wrapping herself around his arm. “Besides, you love us. You wouldn’t cheat us out of good music.”

“You haven’t even heard them yet, what if you hate them?”

“Garrett, you were _very_ enthusiastic about us coming along tonight. I’ve never seen you so enthusiastic about a band and not have them be good. Either that, or this guy is so incredibly attractive that you completely forgot your music-loving ways and convinced yourself that they’re good. Which is unlikely.” 

“Should I be thanking you for that?” Hawke laughed as they moved closer to the stage. The band was setting up and he wanted to be close this time. To see the group dynamic, now that they were on a stage that wasn’t ridiculously small. Right.

Anders caught Hawke’s eye as he set down a mic stand and grinned. Hawke returned the smile, nodding once. Did he remember him from last week? He hadn’t even told him his name. Hawke felt his felt his ears turn red as he turned back to Bethany and Aveline.

“That him?” Aveline asked softly, smirking as Hawke rolled his eyes.

Surprisingly, Bethany said nothing. She was watching the band set up. As much as she picked on Hawke for being particular about his music, she was the same way. Music had always brought them together, and had been their outlet when Carver died. She had always helped him record music, when he needed it. But as of recent, she’d been playing less. She had other responsibilities that took precedence.  Hawke understood, but he missed his music partner. It was nice to have her here tonight; she’d truly appreciate Wicked Grace’s talent.

Onstage, the members of the band had finished setting up and were now focused on tuning. Hawke was feeling giddy, eager for them to start. He’d already purchased the songs they had online and had a few favorites that he was hoping they’d play.

Just as the previous week, the band started without any introduction. It was one of they songs they’d played last week. This time, Hawke paid special attention to the lyrics. Obviously the song was one of the band’s favorites.

He got distracted by the way Anders moved around the stage. The man knew how to occupy the space he was given, and now that he wasn’t confined to the small stage, he was putting on a show. When he wasn’t singing, he was dancing around his portion of the stage, fingers flying over the fret board. Even when he _was_ singing, he didn’t hold still, putting everything he had into the performance.

Hawke loved it. And maybe Bethany and Aveline had been right. Maybe he wasn’t here for _just_ the music. Anders was attractive. He had his hair pulled up into a half ponytail, and Hawke could see a bead of sweat dripping down the side of his face. Anders, like this, performing his heart out, was _incredibly_ attractive. Hawke didn’t want it to end.

The first song faded into the next, and Hawke wished Anders would communicate with the crowd more. He hadn’t said a word to them yet. Though Hawke was enjoying the way he got lost in the music. The song they were playing was hectic, and each of the band members looked like they were having a good time, even Justice.

The crowd erupted into applause as the song ended, the band grinning out at them. Anders took a swig from his water bottle before taking the mic off the stand to speak with the audience.

“Thank you, thank you… Wow, there are a lot of you. Varric’s finally done his job.” Anders grinned. Behind him, Isabela winked, chuckling softly. “I’m assuming you all know who we are. Most of you look familiar, unlike last week. Well – I guess last week wasn’t _all_ bad.”

“Anders, we played in a dump and half the audience left before we were finished with our first song. What the hell are you on about?” Isabela deadpanned, earning laughs from the audience, including Hawke.

“Benefit of the doubt. We do still need places to play,” Fenris pointed out, turning his bass. “Speaking of, we didn’t book this show to stand around and talk.”

“We’ve got a new one for you all,” Anders grinned, and then they were off again.

Hawke was mesmerized. This song was much stronger than the ones they’d played last week. Everything about it was more solid, more together. The melody bounced between each of the instruments, all of them working together to support the words coming out of Anders’ mouth. Hawke definitely hoped that this one would be available for purchase soon.

At the start of the next song, Hawke looked over to Bethany, pleased to see she was enjoying herself. She was keeping time and bobbing her head, a sure tell sign that she was enjoying what she was listening to. Bethany had never been too outspoken in public in showing her love for something. But he’d been around her long enough to know when she loved something. Hawke was a bit disappointed when he looked to Aveline. She had a smile on her face, but didn’t really seem to be enjoying herself. He didn’t know what he was expecting, as they hadn’t known each other very long at all. They’d met at the accident. Her husband Wesley and Bethany’s cars had both slipped on the same patch of ice and they had collided. He died. Hawke didn’t think that Aveline felt anything against their family for it, but on more than one occasion he wondered what would have happened if they hadn’t been there. The alternate route was Hawke’s suggestion in the first place. What if they had taken the road they had originally planed? Maybe no one would have died.

But that was the past. Hawke couldn’t do anything to change it now. He needed to focus on the _now._ Focus on Wicked Grace performing on stage. He wasn’t sure how many songs he’d missed, but they definitely weren’t playing the song they had been when he’d zoned out. This one – it was one of his favorites. A smile spread across Hawke’s face once he realized they’d just started the song. He let himself relax, softly singing along, trying his best to put what happened last winter out of his mind. Anders was putting his all into this one. Hawke smiled wider, eyes locked onto the man performing. He didn’t care what Bethany and Aveline thought, Anders was _good_ at this, and Hawke could appreciate that.

Anders looked down at Hawke, finishing the song as he maintained eye contact him the entire time. Hawke wouldn’t hide, he loved their music and it was helping him feel better. Maybe he was being irrational, maybe he shouldn’t be doing this, but in the moment, he didn’t _care._ He wanted Anders to know how much he enjoyed their music. Any musician deserved that, especially Anders. And it wasn’t like he knew him. Hawke could disappear out of this man’s life if he made a fool of himself.

Not that he would.

Anders stood on stage for a moment after the song ended, eyes still locked on Hawke’s. They stood there for Maker knows how long, but it was long enough for people to notice. Eventually Isabela took over, starting their next song. They stared at each other a moment more before they looked away simultaneously. Hawke crossed his arms over his chest, trying to ignore the amused and slightly horrified looks he was getting from Bethany and Aveline, respectively.

“I’ll be at the bar. Be back in a moment,” Hawke grumbled and then pushed through the crowd. What had gotten into him?

Hawke ordered himself another beer, trying to clear his head as he took a seat at one of the high tables near the bar. He made it a point to face away from the stage. Hawke knew that Bethany was going to give him hell later, for whatever that was. He didn’t doubt that she would be right now if he hadn’t fled.

Hawke was _mortified._ He’d let himself try to relax and have fun, enjoy the music, and all it had gotten him was being stared down by the front man of the band. He’d screwed up. Anders probably thought he was a lunatic, now. Not that a random crowd member meant anything to him. Unless… 

Anders had mentioned that last week hadn’t been all bad. And he’d smiled at him when they were setting up. Maybe he’d just been being friendly. Either way, Hawke felt like his was fifteen again, crushing on one of his classmates, using any form of contact as _oh, he’s interested in me._

Hawke sat at the table a bit longer, only deciding to move when Anders mentioned that their next song would be their last for the night. After throwing away his half-finished beer, he moved back up next to Bethany and Aveline.

“You okay?” Bethany asked him, to which Hawke nodded stiffly. He was focused on the band again. The song was interesting. It was one that they didn’t have up on their website and hadn’t played last week. Anders voice was highlighted in this one, unlike some of their previous ones, which aimed to blend the band together.

Just as Hawke looked to Anders again, the man on stage looked his way, giving a small smile. Hawke felt his ears burn. A moment later, Justice glared at Anders, who then went back to performing as if Hawke wasn’t even there. Hawke could feel Bethany’s eyes on him, and made it a point not to focus on just Anders, surveying the entire band. Merrill seemed to be opening up more on stage, though she still looked incredibly nervous.

The song ended, the band said their thanks and mentioned their merch table, and Hawke turned to Bethany and Aveline.

“What did you think?” he asked before they could mention what happened. Hawke hoped that everyone involved could just ignore it, let it fade from their memories.

“They were good,” Aveline replied, though Hawke doubted she really cared either way.

“I thought they were interesting, and it seems one of them finds _you_ interesting,” Bethany told him, raising an eyebrow.

“I was enjoying their music a bit too much, that’s all,” Hawke said defensively, not wanting to get his hopes up.

“Talk to him, Garrett. As your little sister, I’m ordering you.”

“Bethany, I hate to cut your fun short, but I need to get home. This concert went later than I anticipated and I’ve got work tomorrow,” Aveline sighed, though she was clearly pleased at Bethany’s previous statement. Hawke silently thanked the Maker for having a friend like her. She didn’t have to work tomorrow, that was the only reason she even agreed to come tonight.

“We’ll talk tomorrow,” Bethany told him as she gave him a quick hug.

“Get home safely, Hawke. That you for the invite,” Aveline said, before she led them both off, out of the venue.

Hawke sighed, scratching his beard. Most people were already emptying out of the venue. The concert was over, so there was no reason for them to be there any longer. Moving to the merch table, Hawke tried to not think too hard about what had happened tonight. He wondered if he’d ever be able to show his face at another Wicked Grace concert.

He didn’t have the money for anything other than a button, shoving it in his pocket as he rushed out of the venue. The members of Wicked Grace had come from backstage and the _last_ thing he wanted right now was to talk to Anders. Hawke sighed when he checked the time. It was late on a weekday, and he was going to have a hell of a time finding a cab at this hour. He should have tagged along with Aveline, even though Bethany would have interrogated him the entire ride home. At least he wouldn’t be standing out in the cold.

Hawke turned to walk down the street, hoping to find a cab, when he spotted Anders moving towards him. Oh, _Maker._ Hawke turned towards the street again, not wanting to flee like before, but definitely not wanting to face him head on right now. Anders stopped next to him, and they both stood there for a moment. 

“If this is about-“ Hawke started, turning to face the man, but was cut off as Anders spoke. 

“Garrett Hawke? You left your wallet at the table,” Anders told him, holding it out with a small smile.

“Oh. Thank you. Though it wouldn’t get anyone very far. Not much in there,” Hawke said, returning the smile.

“I know that feeling far too well,” Anders said. They stood in silence again, before Anders spoke again. “You enjoyed the show.”

“I did, yes,” Hawke agreed, scratching the back of his head. It hadn’t been a question. “You all are talented.”

“Thank you. Though a lot of people would disagree with you,” Anders told him. “We haven’t exactly been able to get the strongest following.”

“I don’t understand why. You have the voice, and your musicianship is amazing,” Hawke told him. He didn’t mention the good looks, though he hoped Anders could tell it was implied.

“Ah, yes, well. You know how Kirkwall is,” Anders sighed. “Anyway, I wanted to give you this flyer. We’ve got an out of town show and we’re trying to find people to go.”

Hawke blinked, taking the sheet of paper. He glanced at the date, trying to ignore the knot in his stomach when he realized he worked. But Ostwick wasn’t far. He could make it, maybe. He could take the night off.

“Thank you. I’ll try to make it,” Hawke smiled, looking up at Anders. “I just… Don’t have a car at the moment.” Not entirely untrue, it did need to go in for a tune up. But it could probably make it to Ostwick and back with no problems.

“Don’t worry about that,” Anders said with a wink, and then turned to head back into the venue. “Have a good night, Hawke,” he said over his shoulder. 

Hawke barely had time to process what had just happened when he saw a cab coming down the street. Not wanting to risk it being the only cab, he flagged it down. Hawke spent the entirety of the ride contemplating just how odd his entire night had been.

  

*     *     *     *     *

  

Three days passed and Hawke still wasn’t sure how to get in contact with Anders. As much as he wanted to, he wouldn’t be able to make the show. Someone had recently quit and there was no way he was going to be able to get the time off to travel, even for just a night. Hawke supposed he could just not go to the show without telling him, but something about that seemed wrong. He needed to let Anders know. Plus, it’d be nice to talk to him.

Hawke was buying an afternoon coffee – it’d been a long opening shift at work – when a slip of paper fell onto the counter. He pocketed it without a second thought, and it wasn’t until he was home that he remembered he’d cleaned out his wallet the day of the Wicked Grace show. He hadn’t bought anything besides the button since then and there wouldn’t be any reason for paper to be in his wallet. Once Hawke was inside, he dumped his things on the small kitchen table as quickly as he could, pulling the slip of paper from his pocket. It was a note from Anders.

_Good to see you tonight. Let me know about the show. Hope you can come. –Anders_

His cell number was scribbled beneath the small note.

Hawke fumbled for his phone, cursing himself for not seeing the paper sooner. It’d been _three days._ Three days for Anders to… what? He frowned, desperate to get a text to out to him. Hawke programmed in the number, then focused on the text. He supposed it didn’t really matter what he said. Though he should probably apologize for not texting until three days after… Or maybe just give him an introduction first.

 **Hawke [ _3:47PM_ ] **Anders? This is Hawke. From the show.

 **Anders [ _3:48PM_** **]** I was beginning to think you weren’t going to text me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! First of all, thank you so much for reading! I'm having a lot of fun with this fic and seeing people enjoy it has made me feel a lot more confident about my writing.
> 
> Second, I'm now posting the music that inspired certain bits in each chapter! You can find the masterpost [here](http://ughanders.tumblr.com/post/134943994646/look-past-the-flashing-lights-music-masterpost)!


	3. Chapter 3

Hawke grinned down at his phone when it buzzed a moment later. Anders. Texting him. A wave of guilt hit him when he opened the text. It _had_ been three days, but still. Hawke grabbed his coffee off the table and then settled in on the couch.

**Hawke [ _3:51 PM_ ]**  Maybe next time put your number where someone can more easily find it.  
**Hawke [ _3:52 PM_ ]**  Or just ask me.

**Anders [ _3:52PM_ ]**  You have it now, why give it to you again?

**Hawke [ _3:52 PM_ ]**  Fair point.

**Anders [ _3:53 PM_ ]**  Besides, it isn’t my fault you didn’t find it.

**Hawke  [ _3:55 PM_ ]**  You hid it on a small slip of paper!

**Anders [ _3:56 PM_ ]**  You clearly would have seen it when you went into your wallet.  
**Anders [ _3:56 PM_ ]**  You can just admit you were ignoring me, it’s fine. ;)

**Hawke [ _4:03 PM_ ]**  I told you there isn’t much in my wallet.

**Anders [ _4:07 PM_ ]**  Yet you bought all of Wicked Grace’s music online, bought a pin at the concert, and made a donation yesterday.

**Hawke [ _4:08 PM_ ]  **How’d you know about all that?

**Anders [ _4:08 PM_ ]  **The email was “dragonhawke931”?

**Hawke [ _4:10 PM_ ]**  …Right.  
**Hawke [ _4:11 PM_ ]  **The past three days I’ve been home mostly. Or working. No chance to really get into my wallet.  
**Hawke [ _4:11 PM_ ]  **Besides, I’d rather support local music.

**Anders [ _4:15 PM_ ]**  Not much of that around here.

**Hawke [ _4:16 PM_ ]  **Because it’s Kirkwall.

**Anders [ _4:18 PM_ ]  **Hard to get a foothold in something when people don’t want to listen.

**Hawke [ _4:19 PM_ ]  **They’d listen to you, I’m sure of it.

**Anders [ _4:21 PM_ ]  **We’re going to have to do more than play in Kirkwall. That’s why we’re going to Ostwick.  
**Anders [ _4:21 PM_ ]  **Speaking of, are you going to come?

**Hawke [ _4:26 PM_ ]  **I really do want to, but I’ve got work.  
**Hawke [ _4:27 PM_ ]  **And I’ve got to get my car into the shop at some point.

**Anders [ _4:30 PM_ ] ** Ah, real life problems. I understand.

**Hawke [ _4:31 PM_ ]  **I’d be there if I could.

**Anders [ _4:34 PM_ ]  **I have to go. Talk later? Shouldn’t be more than an hour or so.

**Hawke [ _4:35 PM_ ]  **Oh. Yeah, talk later then.

Hawke sighed, standing with his now cold coffee. He didn’t want Anders to think that he was blowing him off. He _really_ wanted to go, but there was no possible way with the work schedule. Someone had quit recently and they all had to pick up hours to make up for it. Hawke dumped his coffee down the drain and then opened up the fridge, looking for something to eat.

He should have made something work somehow, so he’d be able to go to the show. Especially since it was an out of town show. Those were always the hardest, and even having just a few people travel with the band was always a huge help. They wouldn’t be able to book again if they didn’t have the ticket sales this time.  Hawke momentarily considered buying a ticket and not showing, but there was no way he could afford that right now. And he’d rather save his money for a show he _could_ attend.

Hawke was so wrapped up in his thoughts that he nearly jumped out of his skin when his phone buzzed again. As he set aside his leftovers and reached for his phone, part of him hoped it was Anders, even though it was unlikely. Bethany’s name flashed across the screen and Hawke frowned momentarily, trying not to feel too disappointed.

**Bethany [ _4:47 PM_ ]  **We never talked about the other night.

**Hawke [ _4:48 PM_ ]  **Great observational skills.

**Bethany [ _4:50 PM_ ]**  What are you doing tonight? I could come over. We could talk and I could help you with that song.

Hawke sighed. He didn’t really want to talk with Bethany about this, not yet. While her advice was sound, Bethany had always been far too optimistic about these sorts of things. He couldn’t afford to get his hopes up about this. They’d had one brief face-to-face conversation. It could be going nowhere. Bethany wouldn’t realize that. She’d get the thought in his head that it was leading to great places, and he couldn’t have that, not yet.

But he _did_ need help with his song. He’d hit another wall and had been spending far too much time on it. Bethany was always the best at helping him through whatever was giving him trouble…

Shit.

**Hawke [ _4:53 PM_ ] ** Come over at 7.

 

*     *     *     *     *

 

Bethany was late. Garrett still hadn’t heard back from Anders. Somehow he’d convinced himself that he’d hallucinated the entire situation, or that he was dreaming. He wouldn’t put it past himself to have a dream like this.

Simultaneously, Hawke’s phone buzzed and there was a knock on the door. His sister really did have impeccable timing. He reluctantly tossed his phone on the couch, ignoring the text even though it was probably from Anders.

“I wasn’t aware that 7:45 was the same as 7,” Hawke teased as he opened the door, letting in a frazzled younger sister

“Sorry. Mother needed me,” Bethany told him, setting her bag down on the floor. “She’s in another one of her moods. This time she tried to convince me not to drive here, because it’s cold and dark.”

“Again? I’d thought we’d moved past that months ago,” Hawke frowned, momentarily distracted by his phone buzzing again.

“Mother took a step back when you moved out,” Bethany spat.

Hawke looked back to his sister, concerned. “Bethy…”

“No, Garrett. You knew what moving out was going to do to the both of us, but you did it anyway. You said you’d visit, but when was the last time you even stopped by? Mother constantly comments on how she feels like she’s lost _both_ her sons,” Bethany told him, pacing around the entryway. “I can’t even think about going back to school now, because of what it’d do to her. All because _you_ thought it was necessary to leave us behind! Did you even think about us? You _knew_ the fragile state Mother was in!”

Bethany finally settled onto the couch, face red. Sighing softly, she put her head in her hands. “Sorry. It’s been a long day. I shouldn’t take it out on you.”

“I deserve it,” Garrett admitted, taking a seat next to her. “But for the record, I did think of you. I thought moving out would help. I thought it’d show Mother that she can be on her own, that it’ll be okay. Evidently not, it seems. I’ll come around more, alright? But right now, we both know the best thing for us isn’t this. Go set up, I’ll be there in a moment.” He motioned towards the small spare room where he kept his equipment. Once Bethany left the room, Hawke practically leapt for his phone.

**Anders [ _7:46 PM_ ]  **Sorry I had to leave so suddenly. Emergency meeting with the band.  
**Anders [ _7:48 PM_ ]  **What are you up to tonight?

**Hawke [ _7:55 PM_ ]  **Working on music with Bethany.

**Anders [ _7:55 PM_ ]  **Girlfriend?

**Hawke [ _7:56 PM_ ]  **…Sister.

**Anders [ _7:56 PM_ ]  **Ah.  
**Anders [ _7:57 PM_ ]  **I didn’t know you wrote music.

**Hawke [ _8:09 PM_ ] **Oh, yeah. I was in a band back in Lothering when I was younger, but we fell out a while ago. Bethany and I are the only ones still into music, though it’s mostly just me nowadays.

**Anders [ _8:10 PM_ ] **I’d love to hear you music sometime. **  
**

**Hawke [ _8:17 PM_ ]  **I’d like that.  
**Hawke [ _8:17 PM_ ]  **Though it’s nowhere near as good as yours.

“Who’re you texting?” Bethany asked, grinning at him.

“No one. Let’s get back to the music, I think I figured out what I want to do with the second verse,” Hawke said, wiping away the grin that had spread across his face. Anders wanted to listen to his music?

“Come on, Gare. You can tell me,” Bethany prodded. She stayed silent for a moment, hoping for an answer. “It’s that guy from the other night, isn’t it! What was his name? Adam?”

“Anders,” Hawke quickly corrected her, then mentally kicked himself. Way to confirm her suspicions, Garrett. As if on cue, his phone buzzed with another text, no doubt from Anders. “Look, we’re just texting, okay? We haven’t even talked about much. Just music.”

“In your life, there isn’t anything ‘just’ about music. I’m willing to bet it’s the same for him.”

“Can we just focus on this song? I don’t want to lose my train of thought,” Hawke sighed, ignoring his phone as it buzzed again.

Bethany just raised an eyebrow at him and then turned back to the keyboard. “If you insist. Better answer your boyfriend first.”

Hawke ignored the comment, putting his phone on silent before hashing out the last of the song. An hour later, Bethany was gathering her things, smirking as she saw Garrett pull out his phone.

“Don’t let this turn out like the last one. You’ll never forgive yourself if that happens,” she told him, standing in the doorway.

“Have a good night, Bethy. Tell Mother I said hello,” he smiled. “Drive safe.”

“You know it.”

Hawke waited until Bethany’s car was out of sight before pulling up his messages. A wave of guilt washed over him was he saw that he had five unopened texts from Anders. He shouldn’t have ignored him, but he’d _had_ to finish that song tonight. Imagining Anders there, listening to him, hadn’t been helping the situation at all, and that’s what it felt like while texting him.

**Anders [ _8:17 PM_ ]  **I doubt that.  
**Anders [ _8:18 PM_ ]  **Not believing in your own music gets you nowhere. Trust me, I spent more than my fair share of time believing my music was shit.  
**Anders [ _8:20 PM_ ] ** Plus, we’re all our own worst critics. I’m sure it’s amazing.  
**Anders [ _8:31 PM_ ]  **What instruments do you play?  
**Anders [ _8:47 PM_ ]  **Sorry, you’re probably working, aren’t you? I’ll leave you be.

**Hawke [ _9:24 PM_ ]  **Sorry, Bethany was giving me hell for having my phone out. To answer your question, I can usually pick up instruments pretty fast, so really anything. I usually stick with stringed instruments. I don’t mind percussion, either. That’s what I did when I was in band at school.

**Anders [ _9:25 PM_ ]  **Do you sing, or does your sister?

**Hawke [ _9:27 PM_ ]  **Me mostly, though Bethany does sing a bit.

**Anders [ _9:29 PM_ ]  **Don’t you know you’re supposed to share talent with the rest of the world? I know many people who would benefit from just a sliver of yours.

**Hawke [ _9:30 PM_ ]  **I’ll start a business. Sell my talents.

**Hawke [ _9:31 PM_ ]  **Sounds like prostitution.

**Anders [ _9:31 PM_ ]  **Or music lessons.

**Hawke [ _9:33 PM_ ]  **Where’s the fun in that?

**Hawke [ _9:34 PM_ ]  **Seriously though, I’d be an awful at that. You don’t want me teaching anyone. Except maybe my siblings, and that I barely managed.

**Anders [ _9:39 PM_ ]  **Maybe not then.  
**Anders [ _9:41 PM_ ]  **What are you doing tomorrow night?

**Hawke [ _9:48 PM_ ]  **Nothing. Why?

**Anders [ _9:52 PM_ ]  **Band is going out tomorrow. Wanted to know if you wanted to come with.

Hawke stared down at the screen, ears burning. The band had invited him out with them. _Anders_ had invited him out. He barely knew any of them. Hawke paced around his living room, phone in his hand as he tried to come up with some sort of reply. He sure as hell knew he couldn’t just flat out ask him why they wanted him to come along. That was out of the question. Hawke groaned, flopping down on the couch. He hadn’t had to overthink anything like this in ages. Eventually, he typed out a reply and hit send before he could change his mind.

**Hawke [ _9:59 PM_ ]  **Where are we meeting?

**Anders [ _10:01 PM_ ]  **Parking is usually a nightmare, I’ll pick you up on the way. Be ready at 8.

Oh, _Maker,_ Hawke was really in for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! I want to apologize for it taking so long for me to post this chapter. I sort of hit a wall with my writing, and with finals, the holidays, and some personal stuff, I just wasn't able to get anything out... But I'm back! Chapter four is coming along, and it will hopefully be longer than this one... I'm excited to finally have the chance to write these two together for more than a five minute conversation!


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